Bo Knows Obama

The new "first dog" has been picked --a Portuguese Water Dog named Bo who was a gift from friends of Senator Kennedy.

He's kinda cute but not half as cool as a chihuahua. And what's up with the boa? Are you a stripper at GoldPaws or something?

Still we chihuahuas are not great with children. We just don't have the patience for them and don't like to play as much as kids would like us to I'm afraid.

Regardless, some advice for the first dog.

1) Don't pee in the Rose Garden. Save your best work for the Oval--that way you'll make the press.

2) No biting. Unless they are a Republican.

3) Be a picky eater. This is the White House. They have all kinds of good stuff somewhere. Steaks and Hamburger meat might not ever come your way but at the same time, hold out for the high end stuff. And don't settle for the cheap stuff after that. Besides, once you have the gourmet meat by-products you really can't ever go back, can you?

4) Love the kids. People love dogs who are submissive to children.

5) Bark your head off the first week at night. This will gain you entrance to the Mecca of all sleeping spaces --a human bed. Don't let them stick you in a crate or a dog bed--I learned the hard way. Curl up right under someone's legs and fall soundly asleep.

6) Use Clarence Thomas' gavel as a chew toy. He'll go crazy looking for it and never think to look for it in your mouth.

7) Don't play fetch with anyone except the girls. Why should you have to perform with anyone else? The girls are your meal ticket. You play nice with them and you're home free.

8) Every time you see Sarah Palin howl like a coyote. While you're at it hump her leg.

9) Invite other dogs to come to the White House dog park--which you'll undoubtedly establish on your first day. Bloodhounds can get FBI Clearance already I hear.

10) Outlaw cats. Hey, you've got the ear of the President of the free world.

Welcome to the White House. Do us all proud!