Monday, September 8, 2008

FreshDog Survival Guide

On the first day of living with a new by 5 rules:

1) Use the outhouse! Never, ever pee in the house. The owners have an aversion to urine and its be careful about drinking too much and then getting caught weak bladdered. If you must pee, pee in the kitchen or the bathroom where it's easier to clean up. If your mom and dad are nice they might provide you with a wee-wee pad and if so--go there--but don't make a habit of going there frequently--hold it until they let you out. This will not bring any second thoughts to them returning you to the pet store or adoption center.

2) Take a vow of silence for a week. No BARKING. This is a particularly tough rule to follow. But there is one way to get owners (and their neighbors) angry and that's incessant barking. Better to snuggle up to the owners or give a slight whimper to get their attention but all out barking is a no-no.

3) Love children: Be extra cute around kids. That makes you indespensible--especially if the kids cry at the very threat of getting rid of you. Loving the kids puts them under your spell. Soon you'll be running the house your way.

4) Embrace your sleeping space. Owners will tell you where to sleep--just deal. They'll eventually succumb and let you sleep at the foot of their bed.

5) Play when they want to not when you do: Let owners have their peace when they come home--they'll play with you eventually. Then go all out bonkers. Fetch, run, gnaw, chew a toy and lick faces! They'll never let you go. By the time you end your session you should look like the picture above.

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