Tuesday, October 2, 2007

The Brits are Coming

So on my walk with dad we met an older British woman who was 90 if she was a day. She called me an "incredible specimen" and asked if dad shows me.

I had no idea what she meant--show me where? But then I realized she meant that pretentious Dog Show that they even televise now. Ugh. Dad would never do that--besides they cut my thingies off so I'm not eligible to be shown now anyway. (who would've thought some good ever could've come from that!?)

Back to our new British friend who started to tell us about a Yorkshire Terrier she owned (and also a monkey and a few cats. When she told us the monkey ate the cockroaches in her house I drew the line and walked away to pee on a mailbox). She said she wanted to show him and the dealer told her she would be able to.

She took him to another person who judges such shows and he said:

"You can't show that mongrel!"

"Mongrel! I paid $2500 for this dog!"

"Well you can't show him! He only has one ball!"

I tell you this woman has *ahem* "testicular fortitude." Dad nearly laughed in her face and she blushed and realized that she didn't know dad all that well to be talking openly about testicles.

Dad was wearing his baseball hat and she started to tell him that people who have high hairlines are very smart. Dad took his hat off and she screamed at his bald head and said: "You, sir, must be a genius."

I laughed so hard I peed in the street.

Anyway back to the one-balled Yorkie. It turned out that he had an undesceneded testicle. Ladies, let me share something with you. Talking about this with men is not a great idea. It's the equivalent of hitting us guys with a baseball bat in the scrotum. So stay away from any conversations about the nether world that deals with malformations.

The lady was nice enough and was extremely friendly and told us that she travelled the world with her pets--which I thought was nice. Dad only takes me to Yonkers to see Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Kathy (Dad's family). I wish he could take me on the road with him when he tours his brilliant book (Googling God) or you can just email us here and dad can send you one for $20 with shipping.

Until tomorrow--still in training.

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