A letter to Grandma and Grandpa

Dear Grandma and Grandpa:

I'm writing you today for a number of reasons. I'll start off with something positive.

1) I had so much fun at your house yesterday. Thanks for inviting me over for Christmas. Thank you too for the treats and the Christmas ornament. I also liked that Grandpa was wearing his hat "I love my Granddog" that I gave him for his birthday last year.

2) I'm sorry for peeing on Grandpa's chair. I got so excited to see you both and Aunt Kathy too that I had to let loose. I was really trying to claim a place in your house because I like it there so much--and Grandpa's chair seemed to be the best place. I know now that it's not.

3) I'm sorry too for tearing up your rug a bit and then peeing on your garbage bag. Sometimes I just don't know why I do these things. It was very unlikely and it won't happen again. If you notice, I was a lot calmer when I came back after dad took me for a neighborhood walk.

4) Thanks for all the treats and the few pieces of turkey I had. It's always fun to come and visit your house. Thank Aunt Kathy for exchanging the clothes she bought me for a bigger size. I'm bigger than I look.

5) Finally, thanks for raising Dad. He's been so good to me after saving me from the shelter. I know that's because you raised him to be a good man and that he learned so much from your example. While he may never have human children of his own with mom, know that he treats me with such kindness and love and that it's all because of you. You can be proud of him--I think you already are. He is also very proud to be your son. I know because he tells me so all the time on our walks.

I hope I can visit you two again soon. Merry Christmas and a Happy Dog-urine free New Year.

Why does your dog pretend to like you?

I read this article in the Atlantic. I hope Dad and Mom don't read it because it has sniffed out us dogs in a rather scientific manner as genetic responders (for lack of a better term). Here are two quick quotes:

If some advertiser or political consultant could figure out just what it is in human psychology that makes us willing to believe that dogs are loyal, trustworthy, selfless, loving, courageous, noble, and obedient, he could retire to his own island in the Caribbean in about a week with what he would make peddling that secret. Dogs belong to that select group of con artists at the very top of the profession, the ones who pick our pockets clean and leave us smiling about it. Dogs take from the rich, they take from the poor, and they keep it all. They lie on top of the air-conditioning vent in the summer; they curl up by the fireplace in the winter; they commit outrages against our property too varied and unspeakable to name. They decide when we may go to bed at night and when we must rise in the morning, where we may go on vacation and for how long, whom we may invite over to dinner, and how we should decorate our living rooms. They steal the very bread from our plates (I'm thinking here of a collie I used to have whose specialty actually was toast). If we had roommates who behaved like this, we'd be calling a lawyer, or the police.

WHAT is so exploitable about human society? And how do dogs manage to exploit it? We are, as the animal behaviorist John S. Kennedy called us, "compulsive" anthropomorphizers -- always on the lookout for behaviors that mimic, even superficially, human social phenomena such as loyalty, betrayal, reciprocity. These are useful things to look out for when one is a group-dwelling animal whose survival is threatened less by ravenous wild beasts than by back-stabbing fellow group dwellers. Our cognitive ability to ascribe motives to others is a large part of what makes us human. But it truly is compulsive. Human beings do it so instinctively that they are forever ascribing malignant or benignant motives even to inanimate forces such as the weather, volcanoes, and internal-combustion engines. Our very cleverness is the start of our undoing when we're up against an evolutionary sharpshooter like the dog. We are primed to seize on what are, in truth, fundamental, programmed behaviors in dogs and read into them extravagant tales of love and fidelity. Often dogs need do no more than be their simple selves to amaze and beguile us.

This is a long article but I poured over it to keep one-up on Dad. Then I ate the magazine which upset my tummy but it keeps me in Mom and Dad's good (albit stupid, according to the scientists) graces.

Read it all here. Fascinating.

And a great additional comment on their blog:

Wednesday October 22, 2008, Adrian
I remember this original article and how angry it made me. How dare the author sugget that my dog doesn’t really, earnestly love me?

But having had several more years to reflect on it (throughout which I’ve been person to one or two dogs), I still start by quarrleing with the way the question is put. It’s hard to impute intention as complicated as pretense to an animal that we don’t fully understand. I mean, do we fully understand pretense in humans? Then how can we possibly do so in dogs?

But then I go to the concept of pretense itself. Is it pretense if we express affection because we get something in return? I guess it leads me to the realization that there’s a selfish impulse in so much of what we do. I love my partner in part because he loves me. Does that mean that I’m pretending to love him? I don’t think so.

For people who have and “get” dogs, at the end of the day, the real reaction to the question is, does it really matter? My dogs get from me what they need and want to live (happily I think), and I get pure, unbridled joy from the way they express their “love,” pretend or other, for me. I think I get the better part of the bargain.

And the proof, to me, of the sincerity of the transaction is that when my arthritic, half-blind, and increasingly grumpy old golden retriever finally sloughs off the mortal coil, I will be heartbroken and cry like a baby.

Dad's found the article by now, for sure. He came to me in the midst of my typing and told me not to worry. He agrees with Adrian who believes that dogs and humans are rather symbiotic. I lick dad's head and he assumes I love him. So he feeds me and rubs my belly. Not a bad deal for both of us.

Merry Christmas

While I like to dress up as Santa, we all know what the real reason for the season is.

Thanks Father Dave

Fr. Dave gave me a Petco gift certificate and lo and behold, there was a nice pet carrier that I thought I'd feel comfy in on sale so we got it.

I jumped right into it and was happy to hear that it's airline ready. It fits under the seat and I can go through the airport in it. So now I can go and visit Mom's nieces and nephew in Milwaukee someday.

Thanks Fr Dave, for the nice gift and for putting up with me when Dad brings me to the office.

Marley and Me is going to be great.

If you haven't read the book, Marley and Me it is awesome. I cried really, really hard at the end of the book and laughed throughout most of it. The movie is hopefully going to be as good. Here's a preview.

I'm a star--The BustedHalo Christmas Video

Dad and I are major stars in the BustedHalo Christmas video. Hope you enjoy this and Merry Christmas from Dad and I and all the folks from Dad's office at Busted Halo.

Fr Jim Martin and I can no longer be friends

Fr Jim has this to say about holiday cards that feature dogs:

Family (Christmas) cards display — on the front — a photo of a happy family, typically wearing red-and-green scarves or red-and-green sweaters. Sometimes the family dog is included, wearing a scarf covered with slobber. Just as often, family cards show the clan on their summer vacation, posing jauntily in bathing suits in the Caribbean. These cards don't say "Merry Christmas" as much as "Look where you didn't go!"

But I enjoy the photos more when they're inside the card, not the card itself. Because more and more, even devout Christians have been replacing Jesus, Mary and Joseph with themselves.

Now "God" spelled backwards is "dog" but that doesn't mean that I'm pure evil. What's the deal, Fr Jim?

He did indeed reply to dad's email with the following:

Of course your card is lovely! It has not only you but the Holy Family, too! Who could object? Actually, that NPR piece really hit a nerve. I think people missed the point that I wasn't saying I was against family photos, just ones that usurped the place of the Holy Family.
Anyway, Merry Christmas from Father McScrooge, SJ.

Oh OK--all is forgiven. I thought he was originally trying to say because I occasionally slobber on a scarf I should be banned from Christmas photos! Merry Christmas, Fr Jim. You're no scrooge after all.

Why do I lick Dad's head?

A few people have been asking about the numerous times that I lick my dad's bald head. Here are some possibilities that some friends have suggested:

1) Dad wears a baseball hat and it makes his head sweat and I use him as a human salt lick--YUM!

2) I'm grooming dad--like a puppy grooms his mother. This was the one that intrigued dad the most and made him think that it was the right answer. His buddy, Paul just laughed at him.

3) I'm just showing him my affection and love.

4) Dad shampoos with ground beef or peanut butter.

But the real reason comes to us from some friends at Yahoo answers, one who has been breeding dogs since 1968.

"He is acknowledging you as the parent...it is a show of subordinance..
Wild dogs do this to gain favor of the pack leader, or when younger, of their mom. Actually, wolves groom each other by licking each other, and it's meant as affection, so he's treating you as part of her pack."

So dad's suspicion about his friend Leslie's suggestion on grooming was partially right. And Paul laughed at him. I think that's gonna cost him a beer.

Cats rarely make me laugh...but

Coming to a Website near you

I play two major roles in the upcoming BustedHalo Holiday video. Dad is so proud. Uncle Jarrad came to the house and did an on-site shoot just for me because I'm a Diva and I wouldn't perform in a place that was outside of my natural habitat.

Regardless...once the video is published (most likely on Wednesday night/Thursday morning) we'll post it here.

My last video with Dad

I really enjoy licking dad's head--our trainer said that this is how I show him my affection and she's right. It's not like Dad shampoos with ground beef or anything.

You should know, for the record, that Dad loves his co-workers and that the video is a joke. We were thinking of things to put in the Busted Halo Holiday video and this is just one of the outtakes. So, no...Dad doesn't hate his co-workers. And no, Dad does not think that nobody takes hime seriously. And no, Dad hasn't gone postal.

Just wanted to clear that up for Dad.

Nobody Takes Dad Seriously--Why not?

Dad's College Roommate Rocks!

Paul T. Daly--one of Dad's college roommates and Houston's favorite son, came to visit the great land of Haze, along with their other roommmate Kevin and Paul's brother, James. They came by the house and we watched the Jets game together. Fun times. Dad feels really refreshed after a day with 3 old friends!

I liked these guys--they didn't mind if I jumped on their laps and Paul even let me give his face a lick! Paul is heading back to Texas and I was a bit disappointed that Kevin's wife Jen didn't come by. She's cool--we'll have to get her to come by another time.

A disappointing day for football--not only did the Jets lose, but the Giants also lost to the hated Eagles. Ugh. The late season collapse for the Jets has arrived and the Giants may have just not shown up today in the frigid cold. Let's hope so for their sake and also hope that the Jets can win out from here on.

Thanks to the guys for coming by and I hope that they can come by again soon.

Dad's home!

Yay! Dad just got back from a great conference at the National Conference of Catholic Youth Ministers in Cleveland where this year's National Catholic Young Adult Ministry forum was held.

A great showing for their pre-conference of 80 people. And now dad is back home. We sat on the couch tonight and simply napped. I've never felt so secure!

Yay!

Tomorrow I get to hang out with Brittany (pictured above) while Mom and Dad go to Mom's family Christmas Party.

Iditarod

Dad's friend Al took an Alaskan cruise and found cute little Husky puppies being raised to possibly run the Iditarod--the famous dogsled race.

Cute pic. I met Al once and he is definitely a beer expert. I mean, if you name a country, Al can not only tell you not just a beer that comes from that country, but the BEST beer that comes from that country (and he just might have it in his fridge). Dad's favorite story about Al is the following from Al's rehearsal dinner.

Waitress: Can I get you a drink?
Al: What do you have on tap?
Waitress: Oh, we have everything...
Al: You DON'T have everything!
Waitress: No we really do!
Al: Ok, I'll play. What's the most obscure beer you have on tap?
Waitress: I mean...we have everything. We even have Michelob Dry!
Al (without missing a beat): I'll have a Sam Adams!

Hopefully, Al (or as he's known to others--Alex) will make his way to see me again. I was staying at Aunt Barb's, which happened to be in his neighborhood, so he came with dad to meet me. He's a great guy who often shares his Giants tickets with Dad.

I'm missing Dad--who is in Cleveland. But Mom is keeping me company after a long day at work. I spoke to dad on the phone though and he sounded like he missed me already. I know I miss having him come home but I know he'll be back soon. This weekend I get to meet his college buddy, Paul. Should be fun.

Oh sure, fine...go to Cleveland...see if I care...

Dad is going to Cleveland until Friday and then on Saturday is the family Christmas party (which I'm not invited to) and Sunday he has one of his old college buddies in town. NO TIME FOR HAZE!

Oh sure, when you're all depressed and down it's fine to come running to me--but when I have the holiday blahs you can go off and run away to Cleveland. Fine, I'll be extra good for Mommy so she'll let me sleep in the bed with her and I'll pee on your pillow. We'll see how you like them apples.

Brittany is coming over on Saturday to play so that makes me excited. See Dad, you are easily replaced!

I'm kidding Dad, no Dad, don't cry...I didn't mean it. Really! I'm just going to miss you when you're away...It's OK. (Lick, lick, sniffle, whimper). Give me a belly rub... you know you want to ---come on...you know you want to rub my belly...yes you do....ahhhhh there ya go.

Have a good trip, Dad. Bring me back a Chief Wahoo Hat even if it isn't politically correct.

Working with Dad

I like it when Dad works from home because I can come and bother him and sometimes he'll stop and play with me (or better yet, give me a treat). When he has to work I'll jump up on the couch and sit in the window when the sun is shining in and just sunbathe.

Sometimes though Dad takes me to the office on slow days and we get to hang out and I walk with him in the city. We try to avoid other dogs and more importantly horses which just make me go berzerkoids! I think they are really big dogs. I'm glad we got to spend the past few days together on holiday. Next week Dad goes to Cleveland for a few days--that makes me sad already--but I know mom is going to make me feel better with her snuggling.

Thanksgiving = Human Food!!!!

Mom and Dad came home from their Thanksgiving dinner with a DOGGIE BAG!

I got some turkey--OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY! Yum! Delicious. Thanks to Aunt Donna for sending it home with Mom and Dad.

I don't get human food on a regular basis --which I know is best for me. But I get tired of kibble and the occasional venison treat. So this was a real treat! Aunt Donna's turkey was juicy and tasty! I ate all of what she sent me home in about 15 seconds! Probably not great for my digestion--but it was so good!


I stayed home today while Mom and Dad went to Aunt Donna's. And I got to watch the National Dog Show! I don't like other dogs in general as regular readers know but I can handle dogs on TV. The Pointer (pictured, left) was the Best in Show and in the toy group, the King Charles Cavalier Spaniel was the winner. The long haired Chihuahua also came in 4th in the toy group.

I'm not a show dog, but dad says that people ask him all the time if he "shows me." I've been altered (which is the sophisticated way of saying that they cut my balls off), so I can't be shown. Dad says that if I could be shown that I'd win all the prizes. I doubt that I could stand still for that long--especially with all those dogs around.

I coulda been a contender though! Somehow I think it might've gone a bit like this.

Mom and Me

I'm thankful for a lot of things this year, like mom who makes me cool turkey hats. We snuggle on the couch together all the time and she feeds me and walks me every afternoon when she gets home from work. Most of all, she comforts me when Dad goes away on the road from time to time. I'll be waiting by the door for him and then mom will come and pick me up and make me feel better with a treat and we'll call dad so I can hear his voice. Anyway, hope your thanksgiving was great!

Happy Thanksgiving

Here are some pics of my new friends Jarrad (who works with Dad) and Linda (his wife) as they head off to their first NYC Thanksgiving. I'm wearing the nice turkey hat that mom made me.

Christmas is Coming

I'm just saying...I need to get ready.



And it's really cold out too. So we had to test the Santa suit.

I went to work with Dad!

I haven't gotten to go to Dad's office in a bit so since they had a pretty good night of fundraising at their big event last night, Dad decided to come in with me and surprise his two co-workers Brittany and Jarrad.

Fun. They both love dogs and like to play---I even got a new toy out of it. Jarrad's wife, Linda was jealous that Jarrad got to spend time with me. Dad met her for the first time last night at his fundraiser and called her "delightful" so we'll have to have her over to the house now, Dad and Mom. Remember, it's my house, you just pay the bills and I let you live there.

Brittany is fun too--she keeps coming by to play with me and I don't want her to go back to her office. Dad also met her boyfriend Samuel last night and he was a lot of fun too. Brittany also has a dog named Shiloe, who is a beagle. We like beagles from a distance but as in all dog matters, I'm too afraid to even walk across the room to shake paws.

I don't really like the office other than seeing the great people that Dad works with--it's a bit cold and dad can't play with me because he has to work. Because he's working so hard, I'm typing on the spare computer because we all know dad wouldn't be loafing on the job playing while he should be working. Besides, Bill McGarvey, dad's editor, told me that I'm a much better writer than dad anyway and my book, Googling Dog will be a much better book than his Googling God could ever hope to be.

Sorry, Dad. Looks like I'm even more creative than you thought.

Anyway, home for dinner soon!

Kim and Bayli

So at Dad's reunion his good friend Kim was shocked when they not only has a birthday cake for her but also that they made a donation in her name to the MS Foundation.

Dad thinks the world of Kimmi. They've been friends since 3rd grade and her dad even coached his little league team. Best of all is that Kimmi has a chihuahua! Bayli is her name and while I don't really like other dogs, Bayli is soooo cute. She's a chihuahua--need I say more?

I'm glad that Bayli makes Kimmi happy and that makes dad happy too. Bayli is one of those tiny chihuahuas but I'm sure, like me, she is able to create enough mischief to keep Kimmi on her toes. Dogs of any size just need lots of love and Dad says that's why Bayli looks so happy...Kimmi is more than capable of sharing so much love with all of those she meets. That Bayli is one lucky dog!

Kimmi, thanks so much for doing a lot of the planning for Dad's reunion. He came home all excited and we went for a nice long walk afterwards and he told me all about it. Mom said that you were so nice and so pretty and she was very happy that she met someone who obviously had such a positive influence on dad's young life.

Now go out and get that dog a treat and teach her a trick! Let her lick your face too! Because we all know that she realized how special you are.

As have we all.

Dad Was Scary in High School

Dad's 20th high school reunion...look at his yearbook picture!



Dad what was up with this? Your mustache is the color of my fur! You were skinny! OMG...I think I may have been scared of you if I knew you then. Well, since I'm only 3 I guess I was born at the right time--another sign that we were meant to be together!

Mom seemed to have a good time talking with Dad's baseball teammate's (Rob) wife for a bit. Her hubby Rob had a devistating knuckleball. Dad could hit a bit but never really had an arm so he was relegated to keeping the scorebook most games, but when he got in he usually did pretty well--or at least he didn't embarrass himself. Nice guys on that team...he remembers them fondly.

Here are some of dad's friends below.


Dad's friend Liz (they even went to kindergarten together! She might be his oldest friend!) and her brother Joe with Mom.



Dad's friends Christine, Maria, Sonja and Michelle. Maria was in dad's kindergarten class too. Michelle was the class valadictorian! Smarty pants!



Sonja, Joe, Karen and Mom and Dad.

So they didn't allow us dogs to the party--dog bigots, but it looks like everyone had a great time. Dad has nice friends from back in the day although it looked like the guido quotient was pretty high in this school! Mom felt welcomed there and had a good time too--it's always hard to be the "plus one" at these things--unless you're a cute dog and then everyone wants to play with you and pet you! My job is so easy--sit there and be cute and the chicks just come out of the woodwork. I'm the man!

Dad showed my picture to people on his iPod touch to rave reviews he said. So while I wasn't there in person people still got a glimpse of me. It's all about me, y'know. Enough about me...what do YOU think of me?

Dad, I'm glad you had a nice time and thanks for coming home somewhat early to walk me. To dad's high school friends--you have an open invitation from me to come to our home. Let's face it, I run the house and just let mom and dad live there.

Go Saunders Blue Devils!

Dad's New Feature

I wonder if anything will evolve from dogs one day? Obviously our species can't get much more intelligent!

And for what else shall we pray....?

Dad has taken to praying with me. Since I'm Mexican, he assumed that I was Catholic. I prefer to think of myself as "spiritual but not religious" especially since most religions say that I don't have a soul. HEY! I'M ALL SOUL, YOU JERKS! Barry White used to come to me for advice on how to be more soulful.

Ahem...regardless, I do have a deep respect for religious people especially those who realize that they have realized that something profound lies beyond our understanding. That's quite a humble statement and one that is indeed a universal truth.

Who do you pray for? What do you most hope for? Dogs out there, what are you looking for in this world that helps convince you of it's majesty?

I often pray for good treats--especially the venison kind! OHBOYOBOYOHBOY! But I mostly pray that people can live in peace and that people can care about all living things. That we have a concern not merely for nature but for the interactions that we encounter each day in nature. For that dumb cat downstairs to our grandparents to the little child who has nobody to care for him or her. What do we do that is lifegiving? Who do we bring a bit more soul to each day?

I think I'll go and try to cheer up dad now. He's been sad the last few days but that's nothing that a little head and face licking can't cure.

Oops I Made a Stinky!

No...I didn't!

I was walking with dad tonight and we were behind three people--two older women and a younger man. All of a sudden one of the women stops dead in her tracks. I nearly ran right into her but I was able to stop just before hitting her. It was then that it happened. The woman pushed her behind back towards me and let out a huge fart!

Then she took two quick steps--stopped dead again--and let out three more loud and consecutive farts. I looked up at dad and said, "She's going to turn around and then try to blame it on me now. Just like you do when Mom catches you farting in the house."

Now look, I fart. You fart. The Pope farts (it makes his cassock blow up). We all have a little gas from time to time. But I don't think I've ever seen anyone stop dead in their tracks to cut the cheese before.

Amazing. Only in New York, folks.

Not Everyone's Happy About Obama

Barney, the first dog, took out his frustrations today...

Get Out The Vote

No matter who you are voting for--just get out and vote today like I did with Mom and Dad. And remember...we abstain from voting anyone for "Dogcatcher."

Happy Trick or Treat

Hope your day was good---Mom was so nice to take me trick or treating.

Happy Birthday to Me

I'm 3 years old today and have spent the first hour snuggling with a sleepy mommy on the couch. Since 3 is really 21 in human years I guess that means I'm legal for anything in all 50 states now! So watch out world--you ain't seen nothing yet!


Dad got me a Jets football jersey for my birthday with #1 on it and my name. He has a white version as well. I got it early but we wore it tonight to celebrate.

Tonight I get a hamburger dinner as a special treat!

I miss Dad!

Dad's back on the road for the first time in awhile in Fresno to be exact. It's only two days but I'm suffering from separation anxiety.

I hope that soon we'll be able to take more pics like this one.

Anyway...mom and dad's friend Jonathan took this picture and a bunch of other ones that we;ve now gotten framed andnwill leep the digital files too for this blog. Mom took him and his girl Mare to dinner and had a great time.

Do Dogs Go to Heaven: Catholics vs. Presbyterians

Dad can't figure out how to make this picture appear bigger here---so just click on it and it will become more easily readable. I have to say that whether or not I have a soul doesn't really matter to me. I think God will let me be with Mom and Dad as a souled or a non-souled animal in heaven because I am part of God's creation. Can't souls play with dogs too?

Regardless, the Catholics have a much better sense of humor than the Presbyterians do!

The Blessing of the Animals 2008

It's the feast day of St. Francis and that means that churches do the Blessing of the Animals all over the world. So mom and dad took me to the parish garden and Fr Girard the cool new associate pastor at St. Sebastian's in Woodside, Queens gave me a nice sprinkling with dad today.

I hope that we dogs can pray (in whatever way we dogs do) to St Francis to protect all dogs who may be victims of abuse--especially for those caught in dog fighting rings--or neglect. I also pray in thankgiving for mom and dad who rescued me from the shelter. Adopt a pet today.

Ok,ok...I'll even pray for cats. Even if they are dumb.

Dad reminds me too that St. Francis was a man not merely of peace but of radical poverty. He renounced all his father's riches and even stripped naked in the town square and said to his father that he needed nothing from him--that all he needed was Jesus--much to his father's objections.

That's a big difference from the guy we usually see sitting in the garden peacfully with the animals. Truth be told, Francis was the one who could quiet the animals because of his peaceful nature and he did so because they were making too much noise at mass!

So we remember St. Francis and we need to hear his words of peace today:

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

We got to preview the movie the other night and it was just as cute as I thought it would be. Actually to be honest, I liked the movie but it had its moments of superficiality too. The story revolves around a spoiled brat chihuahua (voiced delightfully by Drew Barrymore) named Chloe (Hey Mom and Dad how come there aren't any Harry Winston diamonds around MY neck--Where's the bling man?) who gets lost while visiting Mexico with her dog sitter (Piper Parabo-who if she wasn't so hot would be a serious waste of oxygen). Jaime Lee Curtis does a great job of playing the spoiled brat's owner and she resonates with every sterotypical trait of the crazy dog ladies we all know.

Two other dogs steal the show. George Lopez is the voice of Papi who looks a lot like me (judge for yourself below) and he helps the local landscaper dig holes. Meanwhile a street wise former police dog (Andy Garcia) does all he can to keep Chloe safe from the clutches of those who are in the dog fighting world.

Here is PAPI



And Me...I coulda been a star!









The movie will teach young people about friendship and sacrifice for on'e friends. as well as give them a few laughs.

All in all not a bad way to spend an evening. More for the kiddies than the adults the voices of Barrymore and Lopez are the real stars. Go and find your inner bark.

Jib Jab does it again

I laughed so hard I peed on the couch!

Time for Some Campaignin' | Funny Jokes at JibJab

J-E-T-S! Jets, Jets, Jets

A nice day at home with Dad who has started watching sports on Sunday now that he's going to mass a bit closer to home. It makes for a nice day with me. We put our Jets Jerseys on and watch the game (although we switched back and forth between the Jets and Mets baseball this week). The Jets were awesome as Brett Favre threw for 6 TDs! Yay! The Mets...well...I poop on them--like my buddy Triumph the Insult Comic dog.



Dad looks gynormus in the picture on the right--just to let it be known that dad has dropped 15 pounds in 3 weeks on nutrasystem. Only 35 more to go! Keep it up dad and thanks for the Jets Jersey!

Obama-McCain Debate

Meanwhile...I watched the Obama-Mccain debate and thought that Obama really did well on how he'd manage the federal economy (use a scalpel; not a hatchet) and McCain seemed to know more about foreign policy, showing people how well connected he is with people in that area (maybe he even over-did this--but it's a good point and Obama's weak spot).

I called it for Obama who seemed a lot more confident and poised but gave McCain honorable mention. Mom took my picture here watching the whole thing.

I have no idea why i did this...or tried to anyway...

So mom took me for a walk this morning and we met a very nice man in front of the deli. I started to walk towards him like I wanted to be friends and then when he got close to me....

I lifted my leg and nearly peed on him!

Mom pulled me away and i stopped mid-stream. Embarrassed on several levels, Mom apologized to the man who just thought I was funny.

I guess he's not into that kind of thing. I'm not either--I don't know what has come over me. I talked to Dad about this and he's just as clueless as I am about it.

Border Collies

Here's a great article by The Anchoress on our friends the Border Collie.

You may kiss....

THE DOG!

This guy needs some help...or a girlfriend

Dad would never let me do this...

The Dynamic Duo: Mom and Me

Mom came home last night and told me that she saw Batman on the LIRR...

She was singing, "Da, da, da, da, da, da, da--Bat-man!!"

I thought of Arnold from Different Strokes and I gave her a look that said, "Whatja talkin' about Mom?"

Mom explained that she met Lonnie who has a little chihuahua named Batman. She said that Batman was black with grey speckles. Lonnie let Mom hold Batman and he was smaller than me. Mom told Dad how cute Batman was and I began to think, "Hey, what about me? I'm cute too!"

That was when Mom looked at me and hugged me and said, "No one is as cute as you, Haze. Haze is the cutest dog in the whole world."

Now everything's back to status quo.

And I licked Mom's face with joy.

FreshDog Survival Guide

On the first day of living with a new owner...live by 5 rules:

1) Use the outhouse! Never, ever pee in the house. The owners have an aversion to urine and its smell...so be careful about drinking too much and then getting caught weak bladdered. If you must pee, pee in the kitchen or the bathroom where it's easier to clean up. If your mom and dad are nice they might provide you with a wee-wee pad and if so--go there--but don't make a habit of going there frequently--hold it until they let you out. This will not bring any second thoughts to them returning you to the pet store or adoption center.

2) Take a vow of silence for a week. No BARKING. This is a particularly tough rule to follow. But there is one way to get owners (and their neighbors) angry and that's incessant barking. Better to snuggle up to the owners or give a slight whimper to get their attention but all out barking is a no-no.

3) Love children: Be extra cute around kids. That makes you indespensible--especially if the kids cry at the very threat of getting rid of you. Loving the kids puts them under your spell. Soon you'll be running the house your way.

4) Embrace your sleeping space. Owners will tell you where to sleep--just deal. They'll eventually succumb and let you sleep at the foot of their bed.

5) Play when they want to not when you do: Let owners have their peace when they come home--they'll play with you eventually. Then go all out bonkers. Fetch, run, gnaw, chew a toy and lick faces! They'll never let you go. By the time you end your session you should look like the picture above.

While Dad's Away...

Well here I am sitting on Mom's lap typing my blog although she keeps trying to write on my blog herself. Since I'm in the last month of my terrible two's I keep giving her a look that says, "Don't get all up in my grill, Mom! It's MY blog!"

I wouldn't do that. I'm sure she would put me in a 2 minute time out without my favorite pink squeeky frog. She would tell me to "use my words" (polite words). It's tough having a preschool teacher for a mom--she knows all the tricks.

So anyway, as I previously reported there is a new movie coming out this month that is a must-see. Beverly Hills Chihuahua! I give it 4 paws up! These little chihuahuas get lost in Mexico (Gringos, don't insult me. Pronounce this correctly. Do I have to spell it out for you? It's Meh-hee-ko. And Chihuahua is Chee-Wow-Uh. Yo homies, get it right!). George Lopez plays the top chihuahua. I love his TV show and watch it with Mom all the time and we laugh our heads off.

I personally would love to romp around the streets of Mexico. I could get in touch with my roots. But until then, your favorite internet saavy dog provides you with this preview: Hay Chihuahua!!

Sniff...Dad's gone again

So I'm a bit of a sad dog today because dad went to West Virginia today to be the Keynote Speaker at a conference and will be there until Sunday. I'm proud of him but I miss him and I sometimes wait by the door just thinking that he'll be home any time and then get disappointed when he doesn't show up.

I think Mom and Dad try to confuse me. They put the telephone up to my ear and let me hear dad's voice--which is comforting-- but then I think he's here somewhere and I start to look around to find him. Augh! Confusion!

Anyway...it gives me the chance to look at some blogs. Dad's friend Betsy writes Beware the Bee...sometimes she stings! And she had a horrifying post today. I don't know what I would do if this happened to me! I might freak out more than she did!

What happened? You'll have to see for yourself...

Beware the Bee

Jonathan starts a trend

So now Briana, a friend from Dad's World Youth Day trip also writes in with photos of a CHIHUAHUA! Not only a Chihuahua but a chihuahua named Frida with her 6 new puppies. Don't blame it on me, folks, I've been fixed.



Regardless, they are cute and their mom couldn't be prouder. So thanks to Briana who is like the coolest person from what Dad tells me. They had loads of fun at World Youth Day--check Briana out walking back from the big event with the Pope where Briana slept outside and Dad completely wimped out and went back to the hotel.



So good job outta Jonathan for starting a trend. The next thing you know Jonathan will design a cool new set of shoes and we'll all be forced to wear them even us dogs!

We Get Letters...and sometimes pictures!

So Jonathan, a very cool 9 year old regular reader from the Rochester area sent in some cool pictures of his pals. Three cool-looking dogs pictured here (and is that Jonathan lying down on the deck as well?)! The Weiner dogs--as they call them--are Charlie and Scarlet and the Pug is Isabelle.

Let me just say that while I'm generally speaking a loner and don't always like hanging around other dogs (I get scared! Other dogs spook me for some reason!), I think I'd really be able to get along with these folks. First of all, Weiner Dogs are cool! They're almost as cool as Chihuahuas--but not not quite--so don't get cocky, Charlie and Scarlet.



Secondly, Pugs are snuggable, like me. So that makes Isabelle automatically cool.
She's a cutie too--just look at her on the right there. Maybe we can date? I guess I'd have to get over that whole fear of other dogs thing! I mean, how embarrassing would that be if I went all the way up to Rochester for a date with Isabelle (I know, I'm getting ahead of myself here! Isabelle hasn't even agreed to a date with little ole me yet!), and I ended up barking and lunging at the first sight of her. Somehow I think she'd turn her back on me and just go find a nice warm lap to curl up on. I'd be so embarrassed that I'd pee on Johnathan's mom's floor. And then Dad would have to pay for a rug shampoo! Ok forget it. No dates until I can get my tail in gear!!

Besides, Dad told me "No dates until you're five!" I keep telling him that that's 35 years in dog years, but he just replies that "Dog ages aren't an exact science."




Regardless, thanks to Jonathan and his mom Nora, who is a great writer and wrote the outstanding Freshman Survival Guide series for BustedHalo.com. I love it and you should check it out if you have children who are headed to college--it's a nice thing to send them off to dorm life with. Oh, I almost forgot, thanks to my new pals Scarlet, Charlie and of course, Isabelle--Hey cutie! Call me!

I'm going to write a FreshDog Survival Guide for Dogs that are going to live with owners for the first time starting tomorrow!